she left because i didn't propose

New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Yes, it sounds like this is unlikely to work. 10 months is very soon to move in if you have a child whats the rush? What Now? If your girlfriend has left you because you didnt propose to her, dont get discouraged. LW 2 WWS It's not because she didn't adore you. I want to date a guy who cares enough to take me seriouslywhen Im telling him what I need. Think carefully, do you really want to marry her? Dont expect your boyfriend to chose between you and the person who raised him. These things matter but whats more important is that she FEELS like you are committed. . I never had children. With most women, when you arent consistent, they dont feel youre committed. If you were living together, then what made you basically live married life for so long whilst refusing to commit to life together? I know most people may not have a problem just moving in with a man and his grandmother, but I have a 12-year-old daughter and I want her to feel comfortable in her own house. Its possible shell even help with babysitting for date nights. It sucks to have the script flipped and not know what the next scene is going to be. You messed up, not by not caving in to marry her, but by not having a mature talk about what you wanted, and letting her go much earlier if you both wanted incompatible things, rather than letting her hope youd change your mind. Yet, rather than make a woman happy that she is finally getting what she wanted from him, she feels even more turned off and annoyed with him. As you mentioned & worried about your looking for your daughter best interests, is your bf grandmother abusive? I told her that when I asked her out it was because I was doing well at my job and had a surge of self-confidence, which dried up once I lost it last year. It has been my first long-term relationship. Resist any urge to reach out, to beg for her back, to tell her how you want to marry her now. 1. CattyGoLightly Shes probably lived with seeing all her friends settle down seemingly everyone get married whilst the man she loved just couldnt love her enough to envision the rest of his life with her. So, make sure that you give your girlfriend enough time between every interaction (i.e. Commitment = relationship maintenance, doing the things SHE thinks will make the relationship successful long term. hes never been romantic before), he just ends up appearing desperate or insincere to her. How has the cost-of-living crisis impacted saving for retirement. I know that you are mature enough as a person to understand that people sometimes make mistakes. The same woman then went on to say: The next time he wanted to see me, he was shocked when I told him it wasnt going to happen, and I didnt want to see him anymore. Here's how to break your addiction and start feeling better right now. All rights reserved. Hell, looking at the first letter, maybe breaking up with him will be the only way to get him to realize something (/sarcasm)! you feel lost without her, you want to stop feeling the pain of being rejected by her, you are embarrassed to admit to your family and friends that you got dumped and she no longer wants you). Let's clear up the madness. I was a fool not to realize sooner that you are the most important person in my life. She thought if I was really in love, none of that would matter.So finally, she left two days ago.I do not blame her, of course. Why not take time to get to knwo gran and introduce the kid. You need to understand your ex's real reasons for breaking up with you, so that when you interact with her from now on (e.g. Lets move in together/get engaged/get married. Until granny passes away shell be a part of his life. This is a classic situation of he would be perfect if he could just change this one little thing. For him, the little thing is he has taken full responsibility of his grandmother and shows no signs of ever living apart from her. (And the men were taught that that was their obligation.) YES. America is weird country when it comes to taking care of elderly relatives. There was a reason you werent committed to her in the way she wanted you to be committed to her. I just had a lack of self-confidence about marriage. I think a lot of the time people are afraid of the risk of commitment, but they forget that refusing to progress the relationship always carries the risk that the other person will leave, and find someone who wll take that risk. He might then make the mistake of classic desperately trying to show her how much she means to him and how willing he now is to commit. How to get her back? Anyway 3 months ago was her birthday and she had a great time with all her friends. If she feels like shes a priority, if she feels like you are listening, if she feels like shes appreciated, then youre not going to have major problems. Feeling Terribly Guilty and Sad,Guiltysad. But I hope he realises why he messed up. Your GF hoped for many years that you would see a future with her she must be incredibly heartbroken right now. Dont do it. At 41, I know this and your post has moved me to make a hard decision to not waste any more time at my age. Especially right after sleeping with Forrest. You are just playing in your mind with how you might get her back by marrying her and still have the upper hand. Anna had been abused over several years by her then-boyfriend and was preparing to take him to court. Its really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that were now separated. Its overwhelming and desperate and stirs every instinct in us to fight against it. She will have her guard up and remain focused on your negative qualities or the fears she has about getting back into a relationship with you. He has already helped countless men from all over the world to get their ex woman back and he can help you too. Anyway, he comes with a baggage. I cant answer these questions for you. He has given her the run of his house for the past nine years, and when he told her that he wants to marry me and move on, the first words out of her mouth were, Just make sure Im taken care of!. For example: If she was initially attracted to your confidence and humor, make sure to continue being that way, but dont stop there. Click here to learn how I can help you. For years, she dreamed of marrying you. That is crazy. Think back to right before she dumped you and be honest with yourself: how interested in her were you really? Your 20s are the foundation for the rest of your life, especially financially. LW#1 you repeatedly decided over the course of 9 years that you were unwilling to marry her. Its just too much. If you are new to the sensation of a broken heart, you know it now. Can you accept it without taking it out on him and her? I hope you can help enlighten me and help me slowly accept reality. She pinned hopes on your changing your mind about refusing this. My Ex Broke Up With Me But She Stalks My Instagram. Am I wrong for not wanting her to move into our new home? Remember that marriage isnt for everybody. When I said we needed to improve our relationship before an engagement, she took that as refusal and was never the same again. Its only been ten months, so cut your losses and keep your environment stable for your daughter by yourself. If you only wanted to talk a few times a week while you focused on your business, youre not a bad guy. Now you want her back but she wants nothing to do with you. She probably endured shame and her own self-loathing during this long wait. Your girlfriend obviously fell in love with you and wanted a commitment from you for a very good reason, right? One of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with for not wanting to commit is to try to convince their ex to give them another chance by getting into long discussion about the relationship, what he wants, what he has learned and how he hopes to make it up to her now. 2. Take this as a lesson learned, and try and not make the same mistakes next time you date someone. You cant. An example of ballsy humor is calling her up and saying, Hey ex girlfriendwhats going on.. CurlyQue Honestly though, this guy sounds like he isnt willing to set a boundary with granny. So, make sure that you focus on re-attracting her and making her naturally want you back, rather than making her put her guard up because she senses your desperation and need. In other words, she has to be able to sense your sincerity, without sensing desperation. They get all the perks and us playing the wife role, are simply stuck for years with the bf/gf title and it sucks. where you make her feel attracted to you again) to feel like she misses you and wants more of you. Ms Plibersek's daughter Anna revealed her mother had made the choice with her in mind. So, re-spark her feelings by giving her what she liked at the beginning of your relationship, while also making sure to avoid displaying things that gradually turned her off (e.g. I dont expect you to take me back, but I do want you to know Im not that guy anymore. If she dumped you because you didnt want to commit and now all of a sudden youve from whatever to holy shit, I want her back Ive got one response for you: Theres a reason you didnt want to commit in the first place! Just something to think about. or are you 100% paying for everything when you live together, or at least 66.6% (your shre for your child and yourself)? You can read more about how I prefer to date women here. Every so often you'll get an ex-girlfriend reaching out to ask you for help. Watch this free video and he will explain what you need to do to get her back. I am ready to commit to you 100%, If she keeps saying No, a guy might then think to himself, Nothing is working. The pain youre feeling now is not as great as the pain shes feeling. I didnt know that he was really like this deep down. Because she did. As a result, her walls will come down and she will believe that giving you another chance is actually something that she really wants to do. She's dated a few people since but nothing serious. And, frankly, after only ten months together and with a 12-year-old daughter who should be your number one priority, it would be a huge, HUGE mistake to push him on this. So lets get the elephant in the room out of the way first. If you cant make up with her, you wont have any chance of achieving your dream. Okay, lets be honest with each other here. The thing that keeps someone from being the right someone differs from relationship to relationship, but the beginning is always the same: You believe you can be the one to get the other person to change to stop drinking, to get a divorce, to create healthy boundaries with his ex/grown child/dependent grandmother. I dated someone who would randomly shut off his phone for 3-4 days at a time without telling me. It happens to everyone. Which Is Better? his grandmother has lived a life relying on other people . LW1 Thats because most men have one idea of what commitment means, while most women have a completely different idea. Instead, attract her in the ways that used to work so well, while also making sure to add in new ways of attracting her that are extensions of that.