Yeah, I had a boyfriend in college who Id started dating after being part of the same friend group as him for a long time. *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. I mean seriously? Yeah, my cousin isnt allowed to travel without her husband. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. I made this comment on the most recent one of those! OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Heck, immediately post break-up I think its normal for friends to say Yeah, you were right, and they were in the wrong, and youre a heck of a catch and I bet theyre really sorry. Regardless of their private feelings about the truth of those things. I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. If this is anxiety, OCD, or any other disorder then therapy for himself is absolutely necessary. Ive gone to Vegas for work and my husband just told me to have a good time and made jokes about what kind of stuff I might get up to while I was there because we knew Id mostly be bored and cranky with the work situation. The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. Abuse isnt as uncommon as you think it is. and a lot to it more than the Strip. Id seriously question the value of marriage counseling at this point, unless hes willing to fundamentally change his views of his power over another adult. And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationray florets and disc florets are present in 2022.07.03 . Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. If you're able to, I would think about flying. I obviously dont TELL people I have these thoughts because it tends to freak people out! Most of them. Some people get really over the top anxious about things like this such that it becomes its own problem, maybe even more of an independent factor than the sexism thing (which kind of compounds it because its a societal trope that reinforces some of what would otherwise seem more out there on the face of it). From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. I also worry about my spouse traveling without me. I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. My partner finds it funny that I get excited to go to Vegas for work and roll my eyes when it is a friend/social trip because he knows me so well. First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. Not everything is family friendly (I.E. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! I strongly suspect it is not actually about Vegas, but perhaps a trip full of family friendly activities there could solve his issue if it is, in fact, about Vegas. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. Exactly this. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. On top of everything Allison said, it might work to show him how normal business travel to Las Vegas is. Either way, hes being unreasonable and interfering with your career, andcounseling to figure out whats at the root of that is stilla good step here. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. Im betting its either a case of asking leading questions, an over-reporting of the amount of agreement received, or hearing more agreement than was actually being expressed on the part of OPs husband. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). We hike through Red Rock Canyon or the Valley of Fire. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. is a really good sign! I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. How to convince your partner, husband or wife to travel with you Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. And Id add that theres a difference between (unwarranted) demands rooted in irrational fears, and those rooted in control/trust issues. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). So we'd do 2 four- hr stretches with one long stop in btwn. We saw a fun show with impersonators of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Cher, etc and fun dancers. He was so untrusting, I wondered if I had made a huge mistake in marrying him we had only been together for a little over a year before marriage. There are few things worse than insisting that your partner go to therapy, and then having them misrepresent the situation and use therapy to validate themselves. And voila- you're on the coast! Jealous? The kidnaps, cheating, etc etc that COULD happen in Vegas (with about as much chance as being struck by lightning) are all just scare tactics to convince YOU to stay home and desire his protection from the big, bad world. Certainly the OP needs to be careful with couselors. I say this as an anxiety disorder sufferer who becomes excessively worried when my partner travels for work, but of course I support him regardless of the fact that its stressful for me m y anxiety is on me to manage in a healthy way. my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. That shows lack of trust in me, and thats no bueno. Learning new response skills can only help her overall situation. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). However, its crucial that he recognizes his behavior as a problem and is committed to fixing it. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. I dont gamble much. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. Business trips are the only time I like going to Vegas. You dont deserve to be treated that way. My co-worker (who doesnt drink or gamble) went with their spouse a few months ago for a work conference. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. As a side note to all of this, I watched the original CSI religiously for about 8 years, and had never been to Vegas (no easy opportunity and not really my thing). Theres other stuff to when she was in Vegas last she dressed differently and the way she talked to me. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. A therapist will be of substantial benefit to OP in uncovering these typically subconcious assumptions and patterns, and mindfully challenging them and acquiring a different and more equitable relationship with her husband. I think thats reasonable. I agree with Alison here. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. I know that you arent the one with the issue, but just letting you know. There are so many things that could be gong on here. Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. I actually agree that the comment section here can jump to that explanation a little too quickly and without anything in the letter to support it, but they arent in hysterics about it. Sure, that could be the problem. Is a 4 day trip to Vegas worth loosing a 10 yrs relationship. I just assumed hes lying about even asking anyone. Why? He loves listening to me talk about my trips and my hobbies and adventures, and I love hearing him talk about how he spends hours painting toy soldiers. What the hell? My spouse also has some anxiety issues, and will develop obsessive worries about certain irrational things. I go there once or twice a year for my relaxing vacation. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. If I got raped on travel, Id still be the same person when I came home; its an injury and itd make some things inconvenient, its unpleasant to think about, Id need to get STD tests before we were intimate again, and Id need some hugs from him once I got home, but getting raped is not the end of the world. within arms range. This is a pretty classic controlling partner move. He got anxious when I went to San Diego only because it was near the Mexican border, but gee whiz. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. New Message From: MayaSubject: Iwent home after overhearing myhusband and his mom saying they didnt want metobeapart ofthe family vacation.Every year, myhusband goes onafamily vacation. Just because people traveling for pleasure to Las Vegas give the impression that its a place to go wild, thats not what a work retreat/meeting is going to be like in any way. Sometimes they go on a similar trip for birthdays etc. Right!? And heres what wethink will help. Perhaps this is exhibiting itself in more ways than just this instance, and if so, its especially something youll want to address head on and as a team. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. Display any widget here. Thats an unreasonable stance. He definitely is the one that needs the work, but ideally I would think they should have both couples sessions and individual sessions for him. BUT, I dont actually think thats the most likely explanation for his issues. But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). I like having the house to myself for a weekend. There are some cultures where marriage is really about the blending of two families. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. Even if you dont get fired or demoted, youre showing that you arent reliable to do normal business things, and youre missing out on opportunities to grow your career and to network etc. Next time, instead ofgoing ontrips together, try eating out orgoing for apicnic. I know anxiety is a thing, but business travel can really suck- its exhausting, youre away from the comforts of home, etc., so to have your spouse making that worse is just so awful it would be a deal breaker on the relationship for me. Slot machines are boring, table games make me anxious, I dont like to lose money when I could shop with it instead. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. he needs to straighten hisstuffout. My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. Ask questions like: Why didnt Iget invited? Then listen carefully asheanswers these questions and try not tointerrupt him orjump inwith your own thoughts onthe matter until hes finished explaining his reasoning, even ifitfeels like aneternity. The smoke. But they definitely need marriage counseling. Did I stand out? Its not really a fun place to go for work. Ill throw this out too just in case. I would hate to see that whatever reassurances/checking in could have a negative impact on how you are perceived in your office. And there is plenty to do besides gamble. And lets not forget: its entirely possible for someone to dabble in being a controlling, selfish jerk without really rising to the level of abuse or being an abuser. The only effective thing to do with anger is for one of you to walk away leave the house if you have to. Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. Ive traveled to all kinds of interesting destinations where Ive only seen the inside of the airport and conference rooms.
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